Individuals and Couples
Many people often don’t know what to expect from counselling and for many, leaping into the unknown with a stranger can feel like a daunting experience. My aim is to make the process as welcoming and comfortable for you as possible. I work with a diverse range of adults of all ages and backgrounds in both the short and long term, as you wish. I enjoy the experience of seeing people improve their self -awareness and self- confidence, helping them to make choices, develop their potential and live the life they want.
Here is a list of some of the issues I work with:-
- Weight Management/Obesity/Eating Disorders
- Self esteem
- Anger Management
- Child related issues
- Emotional eating
- Life transitions
- Empty Nest Syndrome
- Feeling Stuck
- Personal Development
- Health related issues
- Pet Bereavement
- Work related issues
- Conflict Management
Our very closest relationship is based on intimacy and trust. When it’s no longer working for us our health and happiness suffer. Our sense of identity and self-worth often lies on the strength of our relationships and when our relationship with a partner fails can lead us to despair.
Pressures of work, family, money and health all take their toll. We may find that the relationship that once recharged us leaves us drained and disappointed.
Signs you have relationship problems
- communication breaks down
- sex has ended or causes problems
- arguments continue without resolution
- violence erupts
- depression or other health problems recur
- the bond of trust is eroded or broken.
It is normal for relationships to suffer as the pressure and strains of everyday life mount. Love may disappear, replaced by resentment and anger. Each partner can view this differently depending on their own experience of family life. One may despair, while the other may view it as a temporary blip.
Where a couple has attached hastily – in response to a passion, pregnancy or other need, disappointments can surface and fester when the excitement subsides. Renegotiating, with a skilled counsellor, can help build a more realistic and deeper relationship.
When is the right time for couples counselling?
- There has been a betrayal of trust; an affair, debt or secret.
- Talking causes confusion or unbearable anger.
- Separation or Divorce seem like the only option.
- Desire has gone or sex is no fun.
- Arguments and bickering go on and on.
If possible, attend together unless there is domestic violence or fear. Counselling can be undertaken with one partner if that feels more comfortable.
Being able to manage conflict, arguments and rows is the foundation stone to a good relationship. It is unrealistic to hope that arguments can be avoided.
Two people come with their own values and beliefs and both must feel heard in order to thrive. This may mean developing new skills.
Differences need to be acknowledged; otherwise we merge or one partner is unheard. Then one partner may dominate and the other ‘disappears’.
Arguments are a healthy and essential part of any relationship and can energise it if carried out skilfully. Indirect anger and domestic violence are destructive.
Counselling can help with understanding the messages about conflict that we may have inherited from our family and offer new skills.
Causes of relationship problems
- lack of negotiation can shatter expectations
- stress can fracture a relationship
- illness can deplete both partners
- birth of a child can leave a partner feeling abandoned
- depression can leave a partner feeling deserted
- external pressures can sever the couple bond
- disappointment can lead to anger and hostility
- life changes
- children leaving home can allow resentments to resurface.
Relationships need solid foundations; two unhappy people with unresolved issues rarely make a long-term happy relationship. It may be tempting to feel that our partner or colleague can compensate for earlier pain and loss, but this hope often leads to further disappointment.
Enter a relationship as healthily as possible for the best chance of long-term happiness. The pleasure is in wanting to be with someone rather than the tension of feeling needy and dependent.
Self-respect and liking oneself are the important ingredients for a good relationship. If they are in short supply you may consider counselling to address them.
Individual work or bereavement counselling may help you move on following a separation or bereavement.
How can couples counselling help?
- Destructive patterns of relating can be recognised and addressed.
- Conflict and communication can be improved.
- New relationship skills can be learned.
- The impact of change and loss can be examined.
- Relationships can be more successful.
- Abusive relationships and domestic violence can be acknowledged.
Separation & divorce counselling can help explore whether trust can be repaired or the relationship will need to be rebuilt. If not, it can allow the couple to split with more understanding and less hostility.